"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." Psalm 43:5
Don't think that because new posts are appearing that I've been a blogging fool. They've been in queue for quite awhile, as I have already read what I agreed to review this summer and scheduled the reviews to publish on the date for which they were scheduled.
No, life has launched into a whole new orbit with the start of school...so much impetus is required to get the curriculum going, but that only after I become familiar with the children; familiarize them with myself. Some days, I am majoring in the minors considering what read-aloud to begin the year with, stapling record sheets into folders to mark the children's progress through subtraction facts, rewriting name tags because I spelled a girl's name "Katie", not "Katy".
More serious than any of the above is that my husband's favorite aunt is dying. I wondered aloud tonight why we are required to take Algebra and Biology, Driver's Ed., and History, but we're never required to pass a course on Parenting or Death. As if the later two were unnecessary to life. Bizarre to me, the educational system of America. Just how is it, exactly, that one goes through the most important processes of life? By blind effort? I have faith, and that is the only thing that keeps me strong. To open my Bible tonight where I'm daily reading and find in Psalm 116 this verse, "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." That is what I need to teach me how we die.
Morbid thoughts, perhaps, for a Monday evening in August. But, it helps me write them down. Sort them out. Ponder what's in store. Teaching one day, comforting another. Learning every moment.
Sorry I haven't been visiting for awhile. I have all of your posts in my Google Reader and will get to them eventually. I'm sorry to hear about your husband's aunt. You are so right about us not equipping ourselves with what we need to know how to handle these type of situations. I am reminded by a Bible verse and I can't remember what the chapter and verse are but it says something like, "do not be discouraged, do not be afraid, the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. That's one that I hold close in tough times. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear there is sadness in your family :( We are not taught about being parents or coping with death because those are the most important issues in our lives, and it is still difficult to talk about them, since they are so overwhelming... To cope with death I recommend Yalom's book, "Staring at the sun". It is incredible!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear your family is going through a tough time. There really isn't an easy time to lose someone we love, is there? I'll remember you all in my prayers, and hope for the most peaceful time possible for all of you. Baci!
ReplyDeleteNot morbid, but definitely pensive. I hope his aunt has great care givers who make her last weeks/months comfortable for her. A school colleague of mine passed away this summer suddenly and another is fighting a valiant fight against cancer, so I have an inkling of how you are feeling. Sometimes what we have to do (get ready for school) pales in comparison to what we feel we should be doing. Thinking of you and your family
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. And while I understand the force of what Helen's Book Blog was meaning in her comment, I also think what you are doing (especially changing the name tag and letting those kids know you)is terrifically important. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI know that these are just words & even lovers of words, such as ourselves, know there are limits to their powers & yet these are offered as candles at moments of darkness..
ReplyDeleteDo not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints in snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there. I did not die.
Anon.
thoughts are with you & yours.
Thinking of you and praying for peace and comfort for your aunt and your family.
ReplyDeleteAudrey
Wishing you comfort at this difficult time...
ReplyDeleteMy dear friend, I am so sorry and I agree completely. We are not taught about death and grieving and even after an experience or two, it is still as if we have forgotten everything we've learned through experience.
ReplyDeleteI wish you peace.
And if I were closer, I'd join you on a walk or bike ride. There is nothing quite like fresh air and exercise to help soothe a soul.
Love to you.
I'm so sorry about your husband's aunt. My prayers will be with your family.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for you and your family. It is so hard to lose a loved one. And you are absolutely right about how weird it is that we don't teach anything about this essential to life topic...and many of us are so unprepared to deal with it when it happens to people we love.
ReplyDeleteMy 4.5 year old son is obsessed with what it means to die right now, and I am having a hard time dealing with it. I don't have the right answers for him, because there are no answers that will make him happy. It's one thing to believe something, but 4 year olds are literalists. They want to know the whys and hows of everything and saying, for example, when you die you go to heaven, opens up 50 million other questions.
I thought we were doing all right with his questions until a few nights ago, at bedtime, when he sobbed for an hour because he realized that when I die, he will miss me. Not much you can say to change that, because it is true. When someone dies, other people miss them, no matter what your beliefs in an afterlife are. I told him I wasn't going to die until I was 100, and that helped a little.
So yes--someone needs to come up with a good way to teach this in school! I could use a little help!
And I'll be thinking of you and your family this week.
Kathleen, the verse you put in your quote is Joshua 1:9. It is a fabulously encouraging verse, and I thank you for reminding me of it.
ReplyDeleteAlly, thank you for leaving me with a book suggestion. I still need to open The Passion (!), but I will remember Staring At The Sun. You are aware of totally new books than I, and it's exciting to blog with you and glean from your experience.
ReplyDeleteCol, thank you. It was so wonderful that my husband had last week to visit his aunt; she died two days ago. Then, we were unable to go to Rhode Island for her funeral on Saturday because my husband's boss wouldn't give him bereavement leave for an aunt. However, we feel fortunate to be missing the natural disasters hitting the east coast right now. God is good, all the time. We're trusting Him.
ReplyDeleteHelen, isn't that the truth? We teachers feel like setting up the room is where the sun rises and sets, but actually, there's so much more of a serious nature. Deaths, calamaties, always put things back in perspective. I'm sorry for the loss of your colleague, which I'm sure the whole school will feel during the year. We lost a library assistant to cancer five years ago, and I still miss her dreadfully.
ReplyDeleteSara, thanks for encouragement. Everything has its place in the realm of importance, and certainly the child who's longing to belong will need her nametag to be spelled correctly. :)
ReplyDeleteParrish, I've heard that poem before somewhere (could it be Native American?) and it is quite lovely. It makes me so happy when you leave me a poem in your comment, like a little gift left laying on my doorstep. Thank you, friend.
ReplyDeleteThanks Audrey and ds, for taking the time to read this melancholy post and leave me words of comfort.
ReplyDeleteLes, a bike ride, or a walk, or a look at the stars...anything from His world is indeed so refreshing! Handling grief is often a struggle; I often think there's no understanding it, really, just walking through it.
ReplyDeleteI took a class on grief from Wheaton College one year, some doctoral thing for which I was somehow admitted, and it was very informative. The two things I remember most clearly were not to say to the bereaved, "I know exactly how you feel. The Lord knows what He's doing." because somehow that's so condescending. The other thing was to listen to requiems, you know, those masses for funerals. I mean, why not? Drown yourself in grief until it clears away.
Marie, thanks for your sweet words. Isn't it good to have faith?!
ReplyDeleteKristin, you bring up a most difficult topic: if we, as adults, are unable to adequately explain death, how can children understand it? It is a great unknown, with no clear cut answers, even for those who believe. I mean, what does heaven look like? We have no idea, and we can only trust that it's better than here. Regardless, there's so much sorrow at being separated...I can see your dear son struggling with this and I'm of no help whatsoever in comforting him. We will cry, huge tears, when we lose the ones we love.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing. I've appreciated your insights gleaned from Bible reading. The verses you quote here are so precious. Important reminders for us all. I appreciate too that among your busy schedule of a new school year, you still stop and write about your thoughts and insights. Thanks Bellezza... and have a good school year. I trust you'll be a blessing to the children in your class.
ReplyDeleteBellezza, I am sorry for the loss of your husband's aunt. The poem Parrish left is beautiful. Best of luck with the new school year. I know it's a busy time.
ReplyDeleteSending prayers your way. I've often wondered how we get through those really big life moments with absolutely no preparation or training. On the opposite end of the spectrum from death, I remember looking at Greyson when I brought him home from the hospital and wondering how in the world they could let anyone leave the hospital with a baby and not require a license.
ReplyDeleteHi Bellezza, according to my copy of Staying Alive, the poem is at least 50 years old & has been attributed at different times to- J.T Wiggins, Mary E Fry & Marianne Reinhardt & most recently was thought to be a british soldier killed in Northern Ireland Stephen Cummings. would love to know the Native American one if you ever come across it.
ReplyDeleteIt's a difficult storm that you and your husband are in right now. I do teach about life's passages in my Developmental Psychology course,however, that is not until college...and when I took the course myself in college I remember thinking...this is crap...I'm not ever having kids etc. etc. Now a parent of a teenager and having been with my father through his terminal illness this year...my perspective has certainly changed. Thus I try and focus on the things you mentioned....parenting and end of life issues in my class. I am hoping these classes have some sort of ripple effect...thankfully it is a requirement at our college. ;)
ReplyDeleteFind comfort in your faith..that is where the true wisdom is.
Good luck with the new school year...it is always both exciting and a learning experience for everyone...including us..the teachers. ;)
I'm sorry to hear about your husband's aunt. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDelete