There was lots of news to share as we kick off the new year. Linda's getting ready for Jamie Lee Curtis' visit to our elementary building on Friday. "I hope she brings a lot of Activia," I said, but she's coming to read her new book. Yogurt, literature, whatever.
Deb has to transfer to three different buildings to teach Art, but the Music teachers can stay put. Apparently, Music is more valuable to the district administrators; the instruments must be harder to move than tempera paint and glitter, construction paper, glue, and racks of scissors.
Laura's brother is getting a divorce, finally, and Susan's son started smoking. Kae's going to be a grandmother, and just what do you call a grandmother in Swedish anyway, because no body wants to be called Grandmother anymore. It's so, I don't know, aging.
I look over at a booth as I absorb everyone's comments, and there's a woman nibbling on her toast. Alone.
I can't decribe the sorrow I feel for a person who's dining alone. I watched her, as she looked around, not smiling, but not crying, and I wanted to slide into the seat across from her. I wanted to say, "You don't have to eat alone. I see you didn't bring a book (what were you thinking?!) but do you want to talk?"
I didn't, of course. Why would she come out to eat alone if she didn't want to? She could have stood at her kitchen counter waiting for the toast to pop out with the television rebroadcasting all the events of 9/11 behind her. She could have eaten it discreetly on the phone, talking to someone.
Or, maybe she couldn't. Maybe that's the problem: no one to talk to. No one to smile with. No one from whom to sit across during breakfast on a rainy Saturday morning.
Maybe it shouldn't have, but it broke my heart.
I actually enjoy eating alone once in awhile, although I always bring a book!
ReplyDeleteMaybe she was traveling. I would still have a book with me, though.
ReplyDeletewhen I was young, my dad worked late a lot and my mom would take my brother and me to the cafeteria. Only she would have to lecture me before we went in because I would invite anyone eating alone to eat with us!!
ReplyDeleteI hate eating alone and it also breaks my heart to see others eat alone!!!
Bellezza, you have a kind heart... but you know, I enjoy being alone. I've eaten alone in fast food restaurants a lot of times, and go to movies on my own, by choice. As the saying goes, 'Not everyone who wanders is lost', so, allow me to say, 'Not everyone who's alone is lonely.' :) But yes, again, you are very kind. BTW, love your blog design... exquisite!
ReplyDeleteAh, I hope she didn't look sad, the woman by herself. It's a grand thing to be out with girlfriends, sharing stories and laughter, most of all just sharing together. But sometimes, it's cool to be alone. To have no need to interact, to look at everything or nothing, to just "be." maybe she was doing that and will go home to 8 children or a room full of people who need and love her.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't worry. There are a lot of people out there, in pursuit of enjoying the crowd while just being alone for a bit.
(btw, your "design" is so lovely, you've nearly got me moving to blogger!)
I know exactly how you feel. I often want to just go up to a person like that but I'm too shy myself and then I don't want to hurt her by going up to her like that. Also, I sometimes eat alone and I feel like everyone is watching me. It is weird.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written! I sometimes find myself thinking whether to approach someone who's alone, because everyone has at some point felt alone and you want to change that for the person but it's difficult to know if that would be the right thing to do. That she was there and, like you said, probably could have stayed at home etc, hopefully means she was content enough.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand what you mean. It makes me so sad when I see people alone if they look lonely. There is something so heartbreaking about a person who has no one to eat with.. come home to.. go to the movies with.. shop with.. just *be* with. Human beings need other people.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your good intentions, but I must speak up.
ReplyDeleteI often dine alone, have coffee alone, go to the movies alone, do lots of things on my own by my own choosing. No need to feel sorry for me at all.
Sometimes I take a book, sometimes I enjoy my meal or my coffee in peaceful reflection.
I love being alone. Being basically an introvert, being by myself is one of my favorite (necessary!) parts of the day. But, I would not feel comfortable eating by myself. Somehow, being at a restaurant by myself is 'worse' than being at a bookstore by myself. I'm not sure if I can explain it, it's just I personally feel sad for a diner alone, even though it might not require my sadness in the least.
ReplyDeleteYou do have a kind heart, and how wonderful to have spent the afternoon with friends (never mind future time with Ms. Jamie Lee--perhaps she will bring Activia after all ;) ). I don't like to eat out alone, but like you, am quite happy--even prefer--wandering bookstores by myself. It's different.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I always have a book...
(did I mention that I love the "new" new you??)
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ReplyDeleteIt is a warm, thoughtful person who would notice and worry about a person such as the solo diner you saw, while you were having a grand time chatting and dining with friends.
ReplyDeleteNot everyone would notice.
Your entry has reminded me to maybe open up, get outside my own comfort zone and reach out when I encounter a possible situation in public like this.
Still, we can only hope this lady didn't actually mind being alone at her table that day.
Bellezza, I think its sweet that you cared about this woman dining alone. I know what you mean about it breaking your heart, I used to feel that way, too. But when I was in grad school I friended this really cool woman who often did things alone (go to see films, exhibits, she even went for coffee alone, etc - things I would never have done). I asked her why she would do these things alone when she had so many friends and a boyfriend (all of whom I would assume were available to hang out with) - and she told me it was because sometimes there were movies and exhibits she wanted to see that no one else was interested in seeing and she figured why not go alone (why should she miss a great film, just because she had no one to go and see it with). I thought that was a great attitude to have and so I started to do things like that on my own and truthfully, I have enjoyed it. Heck I made another friend who decided she wanted to travel around Eastern Europe for a few months and since no one could go at the time, she went ahead on her own and had a brilliant time and met so many people during her travels. So I guess, these people that we see wandering out and about alone are most likely choosing to be alone and enjoying a bit of quiet time to themselves and I saw Brava! to them. This post reminded me that Swapna reviewed a book about loneliness recently, maybe there is something in there about this idea we have about dining alone being a sad image. Hmmm. Thanks for this interesting post Bellezza, really got me thinking about the initial reactions we have to the image of a person dining alone.
ReplyDeleteMany here have mentioned the pleasures of choosing to be alone, choosing to do "this" or "that" in solitude.
ReplyDeleteBut of course, it is choice that makes the difference. Those who have no choice, or feel they have no choice, are in quite a different situation.
I think the sorrow is a natural response. We're meant to be in community, and the breaking of bread is such a primal event. Someone deprived of that sharing is missing more than some good conversation.
First things first. I love your new template. It's so soothing and doesn't scream "Autumn." Love the subtlety.
ReplyDeleteTo your post. Your writing is so absolutely beautiful and the story touched my heart. I don't mind eating alone, but I always make sure to have something to read. I suppose if I were in an outdoor cafe, I'd be fine eating while gazing about, but inside a restaurant I'd definitely want something to do while I eat.
As usual, I loved your post Bellezza. I have never felt so lonely as I have in the past few years, living in a small town where everyone seems to already be sorted into "groups." You made me remember that other people might be feeling the same way, and that it's my obligation to break the ice sometimes.
ReplyDeleteBellezza, I know what you mean. Sometimes the aloneness of others breaks my heart, too. But I wonder why she went out to eat by herself. Maybe the toast is exceptional? Maybe her "date" stood her up? Maybe she prefers to eat alone? Maybe she is trying to observe others for a writing project?
ReplyDeleteActually I am challenging myself at this late date to do more things alone-exactly the reasons someone mentioned, no one available or someone who wants to do or see or eat what I want. I'm learning how to do it from our friend Jean. I'm growing very slowly in this dimension. M2
ReplyDeleteLooks like people are divided into two camps! I have to say that I like to be alone a lot of the times, including eating alone. I move around a lot in my life and I developed a liking to spend time alone. I believe that only people who can be happy by her/himself can be happy with other people too.
ReplyDeleteI go out to the movies or a restaurant on my own at least once a week, by choice. I like it, it gets me out of the house, and I can enjoy people-watching (which is what you were doing...lol. I also don't have to sit and try to make conversation with someone. I can be myself, meditate, enjoy where I am, without interruption from someone across the table.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of people who choose to eat alone, or do whatever, alone. Most of us are not lonely, as it might appear to others.
Quite often a person feels sad for another person who is dining alone, because they can't bear the thought of it being them who is doing the dining, they project themselves into the situation.
There is a major difference between the words "alone" and "lonely". One can be lonely surrounded by thousands of people. One can be alone, and at peace.
LOL, and one more thing...my grandchildren, all five of them, call me grandma! If that is aging, I'm fine with it. There is nothing like the sound of a 14 month old grandson, saying "grandma", or a teen-aged grandchild calling me grandma, or grammy. I love it! Aging is a necessary apart of life, if we aren't aging then we are NO longer. I am proud of my age...it beats the alternative.
I learned decades ago, that to age is to live. My father died when he was only 45 years old, much too soon. It is how we handle our age that keeps us young. By that, I mean mindset, not superficial exteriors.
Your blog is lovely. I found it through Marie..The Boston Bibliophile.
Oh, and I forgot to mention...I am a 67 year old female, who lives alone. I am not lonely. I don't have a husband or partner, and when I go out alone, it is by my choice. I do have the choice to stay home, but choose to go out by myself. I would miss so much in life if I didn't.
ReplyDeleteEven those who are widows, divorced, etc., go out alone. It does not mean they are lonely. They could have stayed home, ordered in, or made something at home. They chose to leave the house.
I understand your feelings, though. You were being thoughtful.
I can relate to this post in so many different ways. First of all, it always breaks my heart to see someone eating alone, which is why I NEVER eat alone in a restaurant. I don't want to elicit the sympathy of strangers.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I just discovered that I will become a grandma and I must guiltily confess that I am happy about this. It is indeed because of the "aging" aspect. If you find a good alternative name, I would love to hear it!
I read your post about Jaime Lee Curtis's visit to your school and it sounded like a fantastic time!